It's been awhile.

Its been awhile since I blogged. Though I've been feeling promoted to  start journeling more. But also to share my testimony of the gospel that I so dearly love. My little family has grown since the last time I blogged. We have sweet little Rochelle who is 14 months and Hudson is now a very active silly 2 year old.

  I am so incredibly blessed to have them both. And even more so to have my amazing sweet husband Nathan. He is definitely my rock. I don't know where I would be without him most I the time. He is such a strong, level headed, and righteous man. Someone who I am proud to have by my side to help raise our children. 

Recently I realized just how important he is in my life. Though I've always known I couldn't do this mommy thing without him. I never realized how much I rely on him and the priesthood that he holds, to get through the tough stuff. 

This summer I have experienced a greater trial of faith than I have since I decided to come back to the church. Faith has always been something I have struggled with. I know my Heavenly Father loves me, I know he wouldn't gives us more than we could possibly handle. He knows me better than any one else does. But to give up my control and trust in his plan has always been tough. As most people who know me know, I don't give up control very easily. 

In April we got an oops surprise. Haha we were expecting! Due December 17th, the day before my birthday. That same week at 5 weeks 1 day I lost the baby. It was surreal to me. I actually had a hard time believing it for a while. I remember praying to Heavenly Father that I would do anything to keep the baby. I even got a priesthood blessing telling me to just have faith. Which me being me I had a hard time doing that. I had a hard time trusting the lords plan. When we got the word that I had definitely lost the baby, and was safe to try next cycle I was sad, but over joyed that we were cleared to keep trying. 

Then in the beginning of June we decided to start trying again. I got my positive pregnancy test June 14th. 5 weeks 1 day came and went and I was over joyed. This time it was going to stick. We were in the clear. I was praying saying thank you for this wonderful gift! I even started making things for the baby. But then the night before 6 weeks I started to bleed again. 

This time around I went straight toy wonderful husband and asked for a blessing. This time the blessing was different. I was blessed that I would be comforted. I would be able to handle whatever was next in his plan.

I lost the baby at 6 weeks. That day was so different than the last miscarriage. The first miscarriage I was drepressed all day, actually for days. I could barely function! This time though I was calm, at peace really. I went to the doctor that day and definitely miscarried. Though the pain stayed away until Nathan was able to come home and help with kids. I wasn't sad until I had help and could just have time to myself. Even now though I am oddly at peace with it. I want baby 3 so badly! And even have a baby box started. But I know now that everything happens on the Lords time. We will be blessed with our third child when the time is right. Luckily my miscarriages are due to a low hormone and is easily corrected. For that I praise The Lord. 

Through this whole trial my testimony grew in so many ways. I've always had a testimony in priesthood blessings but feeling the power of it once again, renewed it. Nathan could not of made up those blessings he gave me. The Lord planted words on his heart and in his mind to say. It never fails to amaze how Nathan will bless me with something he never even knew I needed. 

Also knowing that I must rely on The Lord in all things. I need to have faith and believe that he knows me. He knows my trials and also my triumphs. He mourned with me yet rejoices with me. I know have a testimony that with faith in my Heavenly Father everything will work out. It may not be what I want, but it will always be the best thing for me. 

I am so thankful to have found a righteous man to be my husband and father to my children. I am incredibly grateful for the two beautiful children I have. Finally I am so grateful for a loving Heavenly Father who is always there for me.